4.Confessions
I was three feet from the floor,
gasping for air,
trying to release my father's hands from my throat.
I looked into his eyes
and wondered if my feet would ever touch the floor again.
Have you ever been hit so hard
that it sends your body flying across the room？
We all fall to the floor at some point,
it's how you pick yourself up,
that's the real challenge, isn't it？
I've always lived in my own world,
I dance to escape my troubles.
I've learned that there's light,
even in the darkest places.
I can't blame my father for anything,
you can't rely on other people to make you happy,
but I know deep down inside, he loved me.
There was a time,
I suffered so much,
I wanted to get it out of me.
I would cut my arms,
not to kill myself,
I don't want to die,
I know I am lucky to be on this earth.
I did it so the physical pain would come
with the pain that was eating me inside,
nothing was erased.
I live with my past tucked away,
deep inside of me.
It comes out as an explosion,
and it invades me.
I believe we are messengers on earth,
I believe in angels.
I am blessed by God to tell myself
I suffered that much to become who I am today.
Now you have to realise,
not only do I have my family,
but now I have a whole hood,
and that's power,
but I ain't no grimy assed nigger,
I was never out to kill anybody,
especially when I made that decision to gang bang.
I just wanted to fit in,
but one day I was forced to do something
that made me open my eyes,
I realised that this shit ain't no game,
one of the homies got popped,
and I was pressured into doing my first drive-by,
it was kinda fucked up the way
they tried to set me up.
Me and my bro,
we was headed back to the 8 block,
and some homies rolled up,
and they asked us to go somewhere.
We pulled up to the corner,
then he placed a chunky assed gun in my lap,
he said you know what to do with it,
it's time to get a poppin for the hood,
but I wasn't out to kill anybody.
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